I get a lot of messages asking how the transition from two kids to three is, so I thought I would put it all in a blog post! My reality is that three is absolute chaos, I am constantly losing a war with my house, and I have never used the term “shit show” as much as I do now, but it’s also precious & wonderful, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
The truth of it, though, is that everyone’s experience is going to be different. I personally think I have handled the transition from two to three better than I handled one to two, but that was also a crazy season of my life. Brian was finishing up the fire academy, and he was only home 1-2 days a week until Natalie was 2 months old, and then he started doing 72-96 hour shifts as a probationary firefighter for the next year. Needless to say, I did that transition virtually on my own, and it broke me. This time around, I had Brian home for the first 7 weeks, and then when he went back to work it was for only 24 hour shifts. Evelyn will be 3 months old next week and he is just now starting back to 72 hour shifts, so I am VERY blessed.
Other than situational, however, I think a big part that makes it more bearable is low expectations. Once you experience the leap from one kid having all your time and attention to having to split it, that third split kind of comes naturally and you go in to it knowing it’s going to be great but it’s also going to suck a little. I knew the extent that I would be exhausted and worn thin, so I was able to prepare my brain better. I also knew how quickly the first few months go by, so I tried to really soak it in and enjoy it for what it is.
Here are some tips I have for surviving the transition from two kids to three:
1. Tag team, especially in the early days. If you can have your significant other take over with the big kids that way you can focus on the baby it truly helps. I spent time with the girls but he took care of most of their basic needs like food, clothes, and bedtime routine while he was on paternity leave.
2. Get the baby on a routine sooner than later. The first few weeks are kind of all over the place, but as soon as you can get baby on a eat, play, sleep routine; it will change your life. Plus, babies truly love to know what comes next, so you will be benefitting them as well!
3. Spend one on one time with each child every day. Even if its for 15-20 minutes while the baby is napping, try to devote some face time where they don’t have to compete with a sibling. It can change jealous feelings and help their attitude so much!
4. Lower your standards. This is not the time for a spotless house and a home cooked meal every night. I am still taking advantage of Instacart and Door Dash, and the house is nowhere near sparkling all the time, and that’s okay! Also, the kids have way more screen time than they did before the baby was here, and that’s okay too! This is just the season we are in, and it will change before we know it.
5. Give yourself grace and self care. You don’t have to love and be happy every moment. I have had my share of “OMG what did we do???” thoughts, and I have learned to let myself feel them in the moment because they’re always fleeting. There’s not a single thing I would do different, and I feel so blessed to have my three wonderful girls, but I know now that it’s okay if I don’t feel like being the best mama I can be sometimes. When I get the opportunity, I take a nap or a nice long bubble bath for some “me” time. It also helps me reset if I get to go somewhere alone, like a Target and Starbs run. Self care is not selfish, so remind yourself that often!
