Secondary Infertility: Update #2

I have to be honest...when I was writing the first update to this series, I was smiling to myself thinking that there probably wouldn't be a "#2", and well, here it is. Dangit.

 

If you need to catch up, here are the first post and the first update to my secondary infertility story. When I posted the last update, I was halfway through my first cycle of 50mg Clomid which helped me ovulate, but alas, no pregnancy. Then, I did a second round of it, and once again ovulated, but still didn't get pregnant. This was, by far, the most frustrated I've ever been through this whole trying to conceive process. 

I know Clomid is not some miracle drug and that my chances of getting pregnant each cycle are still only around 30%, but I really had high hopes. I thought for sure that, once we got my ovulation going, we would see a baby within the first two cycles, but no go. At 12 days past ovulation I took a test that was negative, and I knew for sure I was out for this round. My heart sank.  

I try really hard not to feel sorry for myself, because I am one of the firmest believers that everything happens for a reason, but I hit my breaking point. I wasn't angry, wasn't frustrated...just flat out sad. And, for the first time in over a year and a half, I cried about it. I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I have never been so close to throwing in the towel. I texted Brian that I was done with infertility running my life and hated the way it was beginning to define who I am. I told my sisters and close friends that I was over it, and that maybe having Baylee as my only child wouldn't be so bad. I actually started spending time mentally preparing myself for that. I don't know how I would ever feel like a piece of me wasn't missing, but I would have to learn. 

Then, as usual, my wonderful husband talked some sense in to me by saying we could do whatever I wanted, but that I should contact my doctor first. So, I called her and explained that I wasn't pregnant yet and was getting frustrated. I love my OBGYN because she's almost annoyingly upbeat. It kills me sometimes, but when you're in a funk someone happy and peppy can be the best medicine. She told me not to stress, that I could do this, and to give her one more cycle before I decided to take a break. She called in a new prescription, this time for 100mg Clomid and told me that I don't even have to get my blood work done this time because she knows it's working. I needed that pep talk more than I knew, and had Brian pick up my new prescription the next day.

So, tomorrow I'll take my last two pills for this cycle, and then it's just the usual waiting game. The side effects are terrible this time, (nausea, exhaustion, headaches) but at the same time I feel good. To give myself a breather, I decided not to chart anything this cycle and just go with the flow, and it has already helped tremendously. I know I need to not be so focused on the "trying" and to just let it happen, but it's the hardest thing in the world to go to family parties and be surrounded by tiny, little babies. I want that again more than I could ever begin to explain. I love and adore my sweet, wonderful Baylee girl, but that doesn't mean I'm done.

Thank you so much for all your continued love and prayers! Knowing I have so much support through this process is what keeps me hanging on. That, and my little princess, who I already can't believe was ever this tiny! That smooshy little 8 week old face gives me all the feels!

 

Until next time! XoXo

 

What A Mom Wants!

Believe it or not, Mother's Day is only two weeks away, so it's time to start dropping those hints, mamas! ;) Although the best Mother's Day gifts ever are those precious little arms around your neck, let's face it, it's also so nice to have a thoughtful gift to open, and a little recognition. You work hard, mommies...you deserve it! So, if you want to give your hubs some ideas or need some ideas for the mamas in your life, I wrangled up some of the things that I love for Mother's Day this year. Hopefully my hubby takes some notes too! ;) (Haha, love ya, babe!)

 

 

If you have never ordered Scentsy before, you must! They have, by far, the best smelling wax bars ever, and the prettiest warmers to melt them in! The best part about melting wax as opposed to lighting a candle is that there is no fire hazard and your house can smell amazing. (I personally think they do a better job than a candle as far as making a room smell good.) They also now have essential oils and diffusers, as well as soaps and household cleaning supplies that all come in packaging pretty enough to be displayed around the house. You can order it online here, or contact my friend, Courtney, who is a star consultant if you have any questions about the products: {Clynnfraser@gmail.com, Courtneylaponis@gmail.com (909)731-8677} 

You know me and my Lush obsession! Well, lucky me, they have a whole line of Mother's Day products! Woohoo! I'm loving this Yummy Mummy shower cream, and how cute is this already wrapped Love You Mom set that comes with shower gel and hand cream?! It's simple and perfect.

I have been wanting a cup from Twinkle Twinkle Lil' Jar for a while now, and these mason jar tumblers are perfect for summer time beverages by the pool. They have a ton of sayings and glitter color choices available, but my favorite is this one that says "Hands full, Heart full, Happy mama". Doesn't get any truer than that! :) 

 

Last, but not least, who wouldn't love an awesome shirt for Mother's Day?! I know I would! SaSea just released this new Mom All Day shirt, and I adore it! It's super cute with it's simple design, and looks like it's so soft. Hello, new fav. shirt! (P.S. You gotta follow this shop on IG because this mama is hilarious and fun! @kcsnead)

 

If you're still stumped, you really can never go wrong with a gift certificate toward a massage or a mani/pedi!  And, personally, my favorite site to see on Mother's Day would be this...and then maybe the back of my own eyelids! ;)

 

 

Can't beat that little angel face. :)

 

Until next time! XoXo

Things That Baylee Says...

One of my favorite things about having a toddler is listening her language development. I wish I could record her all day long just so I could go back one day and watch the silly, cute way she used to say things. I try to catch what I can with videos on my phone, but as we know toddlers are unpredictable, and often get a little camera shy when they know they're being filmed. So, I thought I'd write a blog post to keep a memory of this precious age, because I know it won't last long! Here are some of my favorite things that Baylee says (mostly wrong) right now...

We have two bulldogs named Daisy and Sophie, but Baylee has deemed them "Cheesy" or sometimes "Zizzy" and dog. She refuses to say Sophie.

Whenever she sees words in a book or on a screen she says "E, I, E, I" and points to the words because those are the only letters she knows. If you ask her to count something, she points and says "two, three, two, three" and always forgets "one"!

If she falls down, I always ask "Are you okay?" and if she is, she says, "I'm osay!" If shes not, she says "No...boo boo!"

I don't know how she picked it up correctly, but she says "tank tu" in all the right moments. Yesterday, I served her lunch and she said "Tank tu, Mommy" and I about died. :)

Anything with wheels is a "choo choo" and you can't tell her any different.

Whenever I spill something or make a mess she asks me "What you do?!" condescendingly. She also loves to ask "Where ah youu?!" to missing toys and Daddy while hes at work.

If she puts her baby to bed and I talk to her she tells me "Shhhh." and puts her finger up to her mouth. 

Nine times out of ten, she calls animals by the sounds they make. She knows the actual animals' names, but for some reason she prefers the sounds better. "Baylee whats that?" "A moo!"

If I ask her what she wants for breakfast, she always answers "dandakes" (pancakes) or "email" (oatmeal).

She somehow picked up calling things "yucky" which she pronounces "ducky". So if she gets some syrup on her hand, "Ewwww, ducky!" Oh, and she calls syrup, ketchup, really any condiment "dippit".

Brian's favorites are the way she says "bath" which is so hard to explain...my best spelling would be "balpthhh" with lots of tongue and very dramatic, and when she squeezes someones nose and says "knonck knonck" (honk honk).

Lately, when someone leaves the room that she's in she asks if they went potty. "Daddy potty?" 

She is obsessed with colors right now, and learning more every day. She loves to tell me what color things are and has mastered blue, pink, orange, green, brown, and black, but for the life of her, she cannot get the hang of red or yellow.

Last, but not least, we can't forget her favorite Disney characters: "Air-wee-ol" (Ariel), "Mee-nee Mousch" (Minnie Mouse), "Rella" (Cinderella), and "Olash" (Olaf).

If I could bottle up this age and keep it forever, I really would. Minus the tantrums. ;)

 Until next time! XoXoXo

 

 

 

Baylee's 21 Month Update!

I can't believe my baby girl is 21 months old today! She is only 3 short months away from being a big, bad 2 year old! The days are long, but the years are short, right?

This age has been the most challenging, as Baylee is mastering the art of the temper tantrum. Hello, terrible two's on the horizon! It's been a blast in other aspects though, because her communication skills grow everyday. There's nothing better than being able to have a chat with my little girlfriend. :) 

Age: 21 months

Weight: 24.5 lbs

Height: 31.5 inches 

Clothing size: Mostly 18 month but already fitting in 24 month and 2T for some brands

Teeth: 12 and waiting on all 4 of those evil canines to pop through!

Favorite foods: chicken and broccoli are her life for some reason, but she also loves turkey, peanut butter (in a sandwich or on a spoon), all fruit except cantaloupe (strawberries and blueberries are her fav!), pancakes, quesadillas, and of course anything sweet ;) She's still not a big fan of pasta or most bread, which I think is so weird because most kids I know live off that stuff, but they're just not her thing.

Favorite Words: Oh, my little conversationalist. This kid talks all day every day and if she doesn't know the right word she just makes up something. It's great! Shes speaking in 3 and 4 word sentences now. Her favorites are "Where are you?" "Dat Mama's (insert object here)" and "My name LeeLee"

Favorite activities: Anything that takes place outside, there's no doubt my kid is a summer baby because she haaates to be cooped up. She loves to dig, swing, and draw with chalk. When the weather doesn't permit outside fun, she likes to read books, color with crayons, play with her baby dolls, and sing and dance.

Least favorite activities: When she can't accomplish something that she's trying to do she gets ridiculously frustrated and usually hurls said object across the room. She also hates anything with a 5 point harness...how dare you tie her free spirit down!

Favorite toys: She's recently obsessed with her baby dolls and can play with just them most of the day, but she also still loves her little people, stuffed animals, and has a new found love for stacking blocks.  

Signature moves: Getting her Minnie Mouse vacuum out and helping me vacuum the house, pretending to sleep and snore but always keeping her eyes open, informing everyone at the table whose cup is whose, and she does a mean stanky leg when shes dancing. 

Baylee is smart as a whip, and can already count to 3 and tell me when things are blue, pink, and orange. (We are working on the other colors still.) When asked what her favorite color is, she promptly answers "Blue!".  

She's starting to learn the lyrics to some songs and loves to try to sing along with me, usually only catching the last word of each line, but it's adorable none-the-less. Her favorite songs to sing are "Twinkle, Twinkle", "You Are My Sunshine" and "ABC's". Oh, and she loves to sing the "Clean Up" song when we clean up her toys together. I will start picking stuff up and I'll hear her going "Meee mup, meee mup!" Hysterical!

Though she got her Mama's attitude and temper (sorry kiddo, we're Italian), she also has a very compassionate and affectionate side. She loves to ask me "Unna hug?" and then gives me a big bear hug around the neck and a kiss. She knows when someone is sad and will curl right up in their lap. I love watching her little personality unfold more every day, and I hope she always keeps her sweet spirit. 

She's reached the age of pointing out the obvious and it's kind of my favorite thing ever. I love when we go to a store and she points and tells me what everything she recognizes is. "Oh, ball!" "Oh, bup!" (cup) "Oh, Mama, clothes!" It's great to see her be so proud of herself for remembering the words.

Now, the countdown is on for her second birthday! I can't wait to see how much she changes between now and July. :) All I know, is this chick is busy, fierce, and ready to move mountains!

Happy 21 Months, my princess! Mama loves you more than words could ever say! 

Until next time! XoXoXo   

Love List!

Sometimes living in So. Cal. during Spring drives me crazy. The weather is completely bonkers. Just last week it was sunny and 90 degrees and we were laying by the pool, and now its a chilly 63 outside after a weekend filled with April showers. Bummer. I am so very ready for summer, even though it's supposed to be a hot one this year. This little bikini rocking babe and I have many pool and beach days ahead of us. :)

 

So, how about a love list to combat those rainy weekend blues?

Lately, I have been trying to venture out and make different meals, because I feel like I reached a kitchen rut making the same things every week. Long live Pinterest, because I found my new favorite thing ever...one skillet meals! You literally only have to dirty one pan, and the results are delicious. On Saturday I made this one pan baked ziti, and it was a hit! Brian loved it so much that he asked if I could always make it instead of my norma baked ziti casserole. Woah. 

We also made this overnight apple oatmeal a few weekends ago, and it turned out amazing. I loved waking up to the house smelling like apple pie, and already having breakfast ready made our morning nice and slow.  

My other new morning friend is cold brew coffee. I know, I'm totally late getting on the cold brew train, but I finally tried some, and I'm totally in love. This Stumptown Cold Brew is the best ever and right now it's on sale at Target! Woop! 

My other recent Target find are these Annie's organic snacks for Baylee. They're perfect for toddlers and taste amazing. I even took some of the cheddar bunny crackers and animal cookies and used them to fill Bay's Easter eggs! They're a great snack with no yucky additives, so no mommy guilt!

Also for Baylee, I discovered this book collection called BabyLit. They take classic novels and stories and turn them in to toddler friendly board books, and they are positively adorable. I really hope Baylee gets a ton for her birthday, because I haven't seen books this cute in a while! 

Bath and Body Works just released all their summer scents for hand soap and Island Margarita and Hawaiian Pink Hibiscus are seriously life! We do a lot of hand washing with my crazy, messy girl, so I love to have a different scent at every sink in the house just for fun.

Last but not least, a few weeks ago I bought a hanging potted pansy plant (say that 5 times fast haha) so I could have a splash of color in my world of desert dirt, and a sweet little sparrow decided to make her nest right plop in the middle of it. I have been keeping an eye on it and she finally laid some tiny eggs! I can't wait for them to hatch and to hear some little chirping birdies out on the porch! The best part of Spring is all the new life! :)

 

Until next time! XoXoXo

 

 

Today With Bay!

7:30 Rise and shine!

 ...and apparently read books first thing because, what else?

 

7:35 Mommy's Wake-up Juice

 

7:45 "Eat-meal" for breakfast

I hope she has messy bed head at breakfast like this forever. 

 

8:05 Still hungry.

Which means "I'm going to take 3 bites of this banana and then toss it." 

 

8:15 "Car"toons

So that Mama can shower for like 5 minutes.

 

9:00 Ready for the day!

Well...one of us at least.

 

9:15 Playtime

This princess found a paci in her toy box. Pick your battles, Mama...pick your battles... 

 

10:15 And we're off!

Nap time on the run! We have a fun day ahead!

11:30 We made it!

To Nanny and Papa's (my grandparents') house, of course. That happy little pup is one of their new yorkies that Baylee is in love with.

 

 

11:40 Already snacking.

What are great-grandparents for?

 

 

12:00 Playtime with "baby!"

 

12:30 Outside play

 

12:45 Why we will probably never leave So. Cal...

Hello, pool time in April!

 

1:15 My swim diva.

 

2:30 Some rest and relaxation.

Because being a toddler is hard work!

 

2:45 Popsicle time! 

 

4:00 On the road again...

 

5:30 Taco Tuesday!!!

 

 6:00 Bath time!

 

6:30 Jammies and curls for days.

 

6:45 Movie time.

We watched A Turtle's Tale.

 8:00 Story time with Daddy.

10 Tiny Puppies is a nightly read for this kiddo.

 

8:15 The sweetest guard dog.

She waits for us to finish Baylee's night routine every night before she leaves her room.

 

8:30 Good night, my little love. 

Until next time! XoXoXo