Secondary Infertility Update!

It's been a couple of months since my last infertility update, so I figured it was time for another post. I took a cycle off of all of my "trying to conceive" routines in June, so no Clomid and no charting at all. It was a much needed break from the stress and pressure. I lost about 5 pounds, and actually ended up having a fairly normal cycle (32 days) on my own, so that was a relief. 

I tried another cycle of Clomid at the end of June. I charted and did everything in my power to make this cycle "the one". I ate healthier than I had been, and tried to stay as relaxed as possible. Once my "two week wait" hit Brian and I were both completely convinced that I was pregnant. I had tons of symptoms, and just felt different.

Alas, it ended up being my mind playing tricks on me because at exactly 14 days past ovulation, I got my period. I was crushed. It was a few days after Baylee's 2nd birthday, and I was just so mad. I really thought that I would have babies no more than two years apart, and now that she's already 2, I have no choice but to have them almost 3 years apart or more. I know this age gap works well for a lot of people, but as a personal preference, I have always wanted to have my kiddos be close in age. It also kind of crushes my dream of having 4 kids before i turn 35.

I spent the first half of the day seriously considering giving up completely. I'm sick of fooling myself and sick of it always being on my mind. Then, Brian's accident at work happened that same afternoon, and I found that he was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Talk about a wake up call. I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself anymore...I had to take care of my guy, and that was all that mattered. It put how blessed and lucky we are back in to perspective. After talking it over with Brian, I decided to fill my next Clomid refill and try, try again. I made the decision to change the days I took the Clomid from 3-7 to 5-9 to see if that makes a difference. I have read some success stories that say it makes a world of change, so we shall see! 

In the spirit of maintaining my sanity, I have also made a positivity pledge to myself. From now on, I am going to beat down all those negative thoughts and be happy with whatever the turn out may be. Feeling bad for myself and complaining takes up entirely too much time and energy. It's about time I get my focus back on what really matters, and stop fretting about what may or may not come. 

"You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit."

So much wisdom from the mouths' of babes.

Until next time! XoXoXo